It's [not] a perfect world

Back.

2010-05-31T03:49:00.000-07:00

Hi there. Haven't been on here in a while, I feel guilty.

Actually, I probably wouldn't be on here right now normally, but as it is I'm as sick as a goat. I woke up around 4am, sweating like mad with my head feeling like it was going to explode. Now I've had some neurofen I feel a little better, but I've still got a very uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. Like I'm gonna throw up. I'd rather just get it over with so I feel a little better for once.

What sucks even worse is that I've fallen sick during my half-term break. Couldn't you have at least rescheduled my illness a week later, God? To add to insult, my mother wishes to cut my hair. *tut*.

But hey, at least I've started writing on here again. Hopefully I won't stop for a while.

DO NOT PANIC.

2009-11-16T12:08:00.001-08:00

I WILL BE WRITING MORE. I WILL RETURN SOON. JUST DON'T WORRY.

Supergroup - well...

2009-08-28T12:47:00.000-07:00

Hey there.

Right, so. First off - my guitar STILL isn't here. I'm going to be seriously angry if it doesn't arrive before my holidays are over, I mean - RAGE angry. THIS ANGRY:

ANGRYMETER:

Usually I'm this angry (since I'm a teenager): [llllllllll ]

After the first guitar was sent back? [llllllllllllllll ]

Now: [llllllllllllllllllllllllllll]

Anyway, onto today's topic. You may or may not, depending on if you keep yourself decent by updating yourself on websites such as ultimate-guitar or by reading magazines such as Classic Rock, know about this knew "supergroup" going by the somewhat strange name of Chickenfoot. I mean, funky name and all, but can it live up to the expectations?

Sorry, sorry, I should explain. A supergroup is the term labelled to a band formed with experienced and generally accepted to be awesome rock'n'rollers. For example, stick Flea, Travis Barker, Zakk Wylde and Ozzy Osbourne into the same band and you have a supergroup. Of course, there is absolutely no guarantee that the group will actually produce decent music together! In the example, the only two who would really mesh together would be Zakk and Ozzy, since they've worked together in the past and share the same style of music. Flea is all over the place, genre-wise - best know as bassist of RHCP, who have been through psychedelic, punk, funk, alternative... you name it, they've sampled it. Anthony even throws in rap in a lot of their songs. And Travis Barker is pure pop-punk/hip-hop, as shown by his journeys with popular punk band blink-182 and with his remixes of hip-hop/rap songs like Low and Soulja Boy.

So, Chickenfoot comprises of these members: Michael Anthony (bass), Chad Smith (drums), the great Joe Satriani (lead guitar) and Sammy Hagar (rhythm guitar/vocals). Recipe for success, right? Actually yes, it is right. Despite the fact you might imagine their tastes clashing, their chemistry seems to be brilliant - they actually look happy and fitting together on stage, bright smiles plastered over their faces, etc. Chad, drummer of RHCP, again has been through a lot of types of music, including socks-on-cocks. Sammy and Michael have both been in Van Halen at one point so they're on pretty level ground right there. Satriani is a surf-rock kind of guitarist, best known for his solo guitar work such as Satch Boogie, and his incredible technical ability. They're actually pretty similar, hence their great cohesion.

Want proof they're good? I'm sorry, but this riff is just SO addictive it's crazy.

Yes. Yes, yes and yes. With those three shocking yeses, I must go. G'bye.

Amazon Marketplace = bad.

2009-08-25T11:38:00.000-07:00

Yes. It's been ridiculously long since my last post. A month is far too long for someone like me (someone awesome that is :D ) not to post on his super-cool, absolutely amazing blog. But it happened, for a mixture of reasons which I will explain.

Reason one: Also the biggest reason. I've been waiting for my damned guitar to arrive. Yes, it STILL ISN'T HERE. If I were anyone else I'd be laughing at myself right now, but I'm not someone else, I am myself. Therefore, I am not laughing. I am the exact opposite - a very angry little sod who is on the verge of going psycho and smashing household objects. I mean, come on. Guitar one that I was going to buy - from Amazon Marketplace - was an Epiphone Les Paul Standard, trans-blue flame-top finish. Very good looking guitar, and I was really looking forward to having it. Unfortunately, the knobhead who was the seller (remember this is Marketplace, essentially a less hectic version of eBay) decided to be a complete dick and not send my guitar. That's right, he didn't even POST it until my mum made around three e-mail complaints. Then, when it finally arrived approximately two weeks late, my mum decided to send it back again. I later found the action to be completely logical because the seller had a lot of recent feedback about items being faulty, but at the time I was so excited I was about to finally get my mitts on the LP, only to have it whisked away from less than five metres away. I went into rage mode when my mum came into the living room without the guitar in her arms and the words "I sent it back" coming out of her mouth. I was... angry. Afterwards, we decided in a change of guitar (again, yes) from the Epi LP standard, to the Epiphone Les Paul Lt. Edition w/ Bigsby tremolo. One of the reasons for the change was the tremolo - I'm just getting really interested in Satriani's technique, though I'll always prefer a Les Paul over something else. Satch uses a lot of tremolo in his guitar pieces, so I knew the Bigsby would be a great choice. However, today we received a note saying "The Epiphone model is currently not in stock, so you will have to wait a bit longer to receive your item. Thank you for your understanding and remember to leave good feedback on my Amazon account!" Yeah right. Why post something as for sale if you don't have it? That's essentially fraud.

Anyway.

Reason 2: Completely forgot it whilst typing reason 1.

Goodbye.

I CANNOT WAIT.

2009-07-30T08:37:00.001-07:00

Believe it or not, the great, fantastic, awe-inspiring genius you know as Harry is actually fidgeting. FIDGETING. In his seat.

Hazard a guess why? Maybe I'm about to go and watch the entire nation of France cry when they find out snails are actually slugs, which are pretty much worms, which crap out soil. Gross. Or maybe I'm going outside to point and laugh at Britney Spears who just shaved her hair off a second time. (By the way, that hasn't actually happened, I'm just theorizing.) Or maybe even...

I'M GETTING A NEW GUITAR WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Okay, this will be complicated to explain... right, here goes. Basically, this is the list (in chronological order) of guitars that I was going to spend the money I receive from this blog on.

- Les Paul '56 Goldtop Reissue (£379)
- G-310 (~£150)
- G-400 (~£250)
- G-400 1956 Reissue (~£310)
- Les Paul Standard Plain-Top (worth £350, I got it for £250)

Yeah. I know, I'm a teenager, I'm undecisive. You can't blame me though - there's a massive selection that you're asking me to rifle through and pick the best from. First, I saw the LP Goldtop's finish and said "I WANT IT". However, I soon realised it'd have taken almost until my birthday before I'd have saved up enough money for it. So, being impatient (and, in hindsight I see stupid), I decided to set my sights on one of the cheaper Epiphones - the G-310. It's not a bad guitar by any means, but the finish is so boring and untextured. It's the one you'll see a picture of, the fully black one with chrome hardware and white trimming. Of course, I read a few reviews to check up on the G-310's musical abilities, and found it was inferior to its bigger brother, the G-400. As such, I decided to get that instead. Then I looked at a review for the '56 reissue, which claimed better tone, finish and action. It didn't cost a huge amount more (or so I thought at the time) so I decided to aim for that. THEN I saw the LP Standard, and realised why my first choice had been a Les Paul. Sure, the SG looks great - I still love the shape of that body with the similarly shaped pickguard, it's a beautiful guitar. But unless I could have had the '55 reissue (EVEN BETTER than the '56 one) I knew Les Pauls were better overall. That must've been the reason so many more artists are famous for their Les Pauls than SGs - take SGs. They're great, but the only truly famous musicians that frequently use/used them are Angus Young and Tommy Iommi. As opposed to the Les Paul - Jimmy Page, Slash, Jimi Hendrix (yes, he did when he was touring London before switching to the Strat), Jeff Beck, Eric Clapton (for a while), Ace Frehley, Billie Gibbons, Roy Orbison, Kirk Hammett, Mick Taylor, Joe Perry and of course, the legend Les Paul himself. That's just naming a few.

So, that would conclude this post. NOTE: It's not today's post, I'll be making another. Maybe even three - is it possible? I hope so.

WARNING: This is level 8 stuff.

2009-07-20T11:16:00.000-07:00

Correct-a-mundo! This is level 8. By which I mean, my JFK assassination assessment which you can find below fetched a level 8 from my history teacher. It's actually pretty good, although in the end, when I had to print, I found it took up 7 pages and 2 lines. That's the longest essay I've ever written, which just goes to show how much effort I put in. I'd been working on it for around 3 weeks when I handed it in, and it still wasn't complete in my opinion. I missed out medical evidence and the Cubans, for example... I just didn't have enough time, especially as I had my English assessment to hand in as well. So, without further ado I introduce you to the most amazing and longest essay I've ever written.

EDIT: Dammit, the formatting when I copy-paste it into the blog is really screwed up, so I'll try to find another way to get that working so you guys can read what earned me a very satisfying grade. For now I suppose I'll have to entertain with a normal post.

Well, that was a bloody disappointment, wasn't it? Oh well. It's the summer, there isn't anything I couldn't care less about than the way the formatting of a 7-page assessment turns out. The weather in the UK is great nowadays - lots of sun, only rains in the early morning and... cock, I better go now. See ya.

School's Out!!

2009-07-17T10:38:00.001-07:00

YESSSSSS!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Sorry, had to get that out of my system. 7 weeks of non-school rock 'n' roll is something that induces random outbursts such as that one within me.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

There goes another one... ah well. Anyway, yeah. Last day of school was today, but it's doing it more credit than it deserves by actually referring to it as a school day - more like a half-day-of-messing-around-in-art-class-followed-by-an-assembly. However, there was a twist involved. Two of them, in fact. Actually, three of them. Cock, there's four in fact. I'll run through them in chronological order.

Twist number one - I twisted the front wheel of my bike. Not the tyre or anything, but the friggin' wheel itself. I was just riding along minding my own business (that business being going to Ben's house to collect him on the way to school) when a kid who goes to our school in year 7 called Tom rams into me from the side. Since he was head on and I was side on, he went over my front wheel, bending it completely and utterly out of shape. Instead of looking like this:

It looked more like this:

And no, that's not my bike actually. I just googled "bicycle wheel" and "bent bicycle wheel" and used some images from there instead... I'm just too lazy to take a picture of my own bike and bluetooth it to my computer. Besides, I'm helping the people at Google's careers by doing so, because... well, I just am. Anyway, at least I don't need my bike urgently for the next 7 weeks anyway and I can have a legit excuse for my mother to drop me off everywhere instead. Ho ho ho, happy days. Still, I bet she'll want me to take it to Halfords sometime soon anyway. Aw well.

So, that's twist one dealt with nicely. Numero two - when we got to school there were THREE PEOPLE there that had been off before because of suspected swine flu!! WOAH!! At first glance this might have been great, since one of them was Charlie, but actually one of the girls that came in still looked sick as a sick schoolchild... which she was, I suppose. She was coughing and sneezing all over the place, it was scary... but at least we got to see Charlie again. Me and him once again baffled everyone else with our guitar talk - discussing what guitar I was going to get in fact. I was speculating whether to get a 3-humbucker custom G-310 Epiphone or the slightly more expensive G-400, which also has a half-pickguard rather than the traditional full one on the G-310 and Gibson models. Charlie pointed out that the G-400 Vintage comes with EMGs, which give a richer tone than standards, but I countered with the fact that two of the three pickups on the custom G-310 were P90s, which also have a nice tone and can produce some beautiful distortion too. The heritage cherry finish on the G-400 is also much nicer than the factory black gloss on the G-310... anyway, yeah. That's how confused our friends feel whenever we discuss guitar.

So, trois. Like a lot of secondary schools, ours holds a "hall point" competition. Basically, students can acquire these hall points by doing various suck-up deeds such as volunteering for helping teachers, doing good work, bla-de-bla. (I got ten of these for my level 8 History assessment by the way :> ) Then, at the end of the term they are counted up and added to each hall's total. There are two halls at our school - Darwin and Nightingale. Blue and Red. I'm in Nightingale. The tradition at our school is that Darwin always seems to win the damned trophy at the end of the year. As a joke, me and some friends pretend to be in Darwin at the end of the year so we get to cheer when everyone else in Nightingale looks miserable. However, instead of tradition, Nightingale actually won this year. Of course, there was a draw-back - we had to boo instead. But it didn't matter, since nobody but saddos actually care about the trophy anyway.

And finally, twist four. This twist is the most recent, and it is that I forgot what I was originally planning twist four to be. So on that bombshell, I leave you with some funny quotes from Top Gear and make my hasty escape.

Or not, Youtube isn't working on my computer. So bye!

Swine Flu makes me :(

2009-07-14T10:20:00.000-07:00

Wow, this is the longest I've ever maintained a website of any sort. Ever. Seriously.

Anyway, I got some bad news. You've almost definitely heard of the "swine flu" epidemic that is striking globally. In case you don't, it's a form of influenza that originated in Mexico. Apparently according to Andrew, it started when somebody had sexual intercourse with a pig... groosssssssssss. Anyway, it's like normal flu but it kills faster, or so I hear. There is medication and antibiotics to cure the illness but you can't just leave it and only take medicine after having it for a few weeks - it's got to be cured ASAP.

Anyway, about half of our class has been struck down with swine-flu symptoms - note that they don't necessarily have it though. It's just a few symptoms! For all they know it might just be normal flu! Well, yeah, a lot of the school's been affected but I can't help but think that a few of my friends are simply using the epidemic as an excuse to get off school - a brilliant plan which I could never pull off thanks to my mother's constant insistency that I don't miss school... ever. Actually, this year is the first I've achieved 100% attendance! Hooray!

Technically speaking, that could drop by 0.05% or so still, since the school year isn't over. But anyway, bubye ladies and gents!

Guitar Lesson - Speed Buster!

2009-07-09T12:18:00.000-07:00

Speed is something which comes to a guitarist with constant practice! Determination and consistency are two things that will get you to your goal. Vinnie Moore in his instructional CD said, he had a daily 1 hour routine where all he did was just shred, and play chromatics, and also play patterns, at blazing speeds. One of his biggest secrets is no secret to a developing guitarist, you have to go up gradaually. No one can expect to get upto speeds reached by Michael Angelo at once.

To someone eager to reach high speeds, the metronome should be your best friend. Now there are alternatives to the metronome, but this is the best way. As I have said before consistency and determination is what you need. You should try to create a practice schedule pf your own, let it be 30 mins, or an hour. Its very important. Now what do you do, in this 30-60 mins, this is supposed to be really boring. Repeat chromatics, play them in different patterns and so on. Here are some exercises that you can do in your routine. I found them very useful. You'll say the same thing after doing them. For those of you who dont know! A D refers to a downstroke and U to an upstroke!

Exercise 1

This is for beginners. Dont avoid alternate picking, its a key weapon when it comes to playing fast. The exercise lets you get used to alternate picking.

D U D U  |-0--0--0--0--1--1--1--1--2--2--2--2--3--3--3--3-|Repeat till 12  |------------------------------------------------|  |------------------------------------------------|  |------------------------------------------------|  |------------------------------------------------|  |------------------------------------------------|

Its really helpful especially if you havent done alternate picking before. After that reverse the pattern, that is Up Down Up Down.

Exercise 2  D U D U  |------------------------------------------1-2-3-4--5-4-3-2----------------  |----------------------------------1-2-3-4------------------5-4-3-2--------  |--------------------------1-2-3-4----------------------------------5-4-3-2  |------------------1-2-3-4-------------------------------------------------etc  |----------1-2-3-4---------------------------------------------------------  |--1-2-3-4-----------------------------------------------------------------

This is the 4 note chromatic pattern. Its really boring, yet very useful. Play it till the 12th fret. To make this a bit more interesting you can use legato (Hammerons and Pull offs), and string skipping. When you use string skipping use your imagination, you can play the 4 note pattern in E String then skip to D, then A to G and so on.

Exercise 3  D U D  |-------------------------------1-2-3--4-3-2-------------------------------  |-------------------------1-2-3--------------4-3-2-etc---------------------  |-------------------1-2-3--------------------------------------------------  |-------------1-2-3--------------------------------------------------------  |-------1-2-3--------------------------------------------------------------  |-1-2-3--------------------------------------------------------------------

Now this may seem simple enough. But trust me, its not. Its pretty deifficult to keep the D U D U pattern going. Thats the key to this exercise. Try to play D U D U, until you become absolutely 100% accurate. Use string skipping.

Exercise 4  D U D U  |-----------------------------------------1-3-2-4---------|  |---------------------------------1-3-2-4---------2-4-3-5-|  |-------------------------1-3-2-4-------------------------|  |-----------------1-3-2-4---------------------------------|  |---------1-3-2-4-----------------------------------------|  |-1-3-2-4-------------------------------------------------|   |-----------------------------------------|  |-----------------------------------------|  |-2-4-3-5---------------------------------|  |---------2-4-3-5-------------------------|  |-----------------2-4-3-5---------3-5-4-6-|  |-------------------------2-4-3-5---------|

Now this is very very useful! Now instead of using playing 1324, you may also play 1423 or 1324 or anything. Use your imagination. Use string skipping.

Exercise 5  D U D U  |-1234----------------------------------------------6789--|  |------2345------------------------------------6789-------|  |-----------3456--------------------------6789------------|  |----------------4567----------------6789-----------------|  |---------------------5678------6789----------------------|  |--------------------------6789---------------------------|    |---------------------------------------------------4321--|  |-8765-----------------------------------------4321-------|  |------7654-------------------------------4321------------|  |-----------6543---------------------4321-----------------|  |----------------5432-----------4321----------------------|  |---------------------4321-4321---------------------------|   Exercise 6 and 7  D D D D  |-----------------------4-------------------------|  |---------------4-----3---------5---------------6-|  |-------4-----3-----2---------4---------5-----5---|  |-----3-----2-----1---------3---------4-----4-----|  |---2-----1---------------2---------3-----3-------|  |-1-------------------------------2---------------|  UUUU  |-1-------------------------------2---------------|  |---2-----1---------------2---------3-----3-------|  |-----3-----2-----1---------3---------4-----4-----|  |-------4-----3-----2---------4---------5-----5---|  |---------------4-----3---------5---------------6-|  |-----------------------4-------------------------|

These 2 exercises will later help you with sweep picking, treat them with respect, and you will be rewarded. Now before I finish I will provide one more exercise, in fact its a pattern. That is you can use it with scales and stuff. Its probably the most common off em all. And as you get faster you'll realise how often they are used by your favourite speed demons.

D U D U D U D U D U D U D U D U   |---------------------------------|--------------------------------|  |---------------------------------|--------------------------------|  |---------------------------------|--------------------------------|  |---------------------------------|---------5-------5-6----5-6-7---|  |---------5-------5-6-----5-6-7---|-5-6-7-8---6-7-8----7-8-------8-|  |-5-6-7-8---6-7-8-----7-8-------8-|--------------------------------|   |---------------------------------|----------------------------------|  |---------------------------------|---------5-------5-6-----5-6-7----|  |---------5-------5-6-----5-6-7---|-5-6-7-8---6-7-8-----7-8-------8--|  |-5-6-7-8---6-7-8-----7-8-------8-|----------------------------------|  |---------------------------------|----------------------------------|  |---------------------------------|----------------------------------|

Now this is really basic, spend some time with and try using it in your solos- very useful. You should play all the exercises above regularly even though its got the same effect as watching Oprah. But unlike Oprah this helps (no hard feelings n e 1, its just that the show is boring). Try to make them more interesting by using effects, using variations I. e strike each notes in a different way, vary your speed, use other legato and all.

Now that ends part I, (I don't know whether there will be a Part 2). If you are a beginner, what I would suggest is play each exercise in such a way, that you can play em with your eyes closed. Then use the metronome, and gradually increase your speed that is from 110 to 120. Dont kill yourself by starting of with 150. Thats about it! Take care and remember that the metronome is your best friend.

Note: In my 3 years of learning these are some exercises which have improves my playing a lot, I have studied articles, videos and lots of other stuff. If the article looks or is similar to any other in the internet, its accidental. There is no plagiarism involved.

Enjoy.

God Gave Rock N' Roll To YOU!!

2009-07-08T12:08:00.001-07:00

Hello.

Have any of you guys seen School of Rock? You know, that stereotypical Jack Black film in which he throws up the horns every ten seconds and always stands with his legs spread and singing a soprano. You know... it has lots of children in it? There's a show at the end which is completely unrealistic, you know? Aha. Well, to refresh your memory it looked a little something like this:

Yeah, it's actually not all that bad. I suppose they really did have to Hollywood-ize it in order for anyone of today's society to actually pay attention to it. It has its moments - the guitar kid in it can actually play pretty impressively for someone of his age.

Now, picture Kiss, the band. Here, I'll do it for you.

See the dude at the bottom? That's Gene Simmons. Believe it or not, he did a similar thing to School of Rock himself. We watched two of the episodes in music class today, since the equipment got packed up due to demolishment of one of the rooms.

I'd go into more detail but I have to go. Again. Very badly timed.

Anyway, see you guys tomorrow.

History Assessment Extract - hooray!!

2009-07-07T11:35:00.000-07:00

Hey guys.

I'm feeling better now - my throat's still giving me hell but at least I don't feel so weak that I can't even stand up on my feet without feeling dizzy. To be honest, this isn't going to be a great post since I am slightly preoccupied. I have a History assessment due in tomorrow concerning whether Lee Harvey Oswald was responsible for the assassination of JFK. Or, for those of you who don't know what that stands for, John F(itzgerald) Kennedy, 35th President of the United States. Here, since I can't really write much without wasting time, I'll copy and paste a paragraph of my essay here.

Actually I won't - what if someone from school were to steal it and hand it in as their own? I'd get screwed sideways if that happened.

Anyway, sorry about the second short-as-hell post out of two this month, it'll only get better though. I had adequate excuses for both anyway, so don't whine.

OR ELSE.

(hehe)

ILLNESS :( :( :(

2009-07-05T13:13:00.001-07:00

I've been sick for the past few days :(

This post is going to be very short, just saying I'll post more. I just didn't feel up to it recently. See you later guys.

Not a great way to mark my 30th post...

Improv!??!?!

2009-06-30T11:38:00.000-07:00

Don't even mention that sudden surge of inactivity. I was doing so well too.

Anyway, have any of you guys ever wondered how someone came up with the concept of a guitar? How did they think it up? Perhaps: "I know, I'm going to stretch a few strings of different thickness across a hollow wooden frame, wind them around small knobs at the top and stick them through the frame at the bottom, pluck the strings whilst holding them at different positions with my left hand and see what happens"? Yeah, right.

I have no idea who actually came up with the principal guitar - or the lute, or whatever it was. I'm not too great on the history of guitars, just guitars in general. Anyway, surely it was somewhere in the Roman era, an era of invention and revolution, of music and entertainment. Perhaps it took ages and ages to think it up, or perhaps it really was quite simply, spontaneous. I'd like to think its conception was in the method of the latter - since there's so much to do with guitar that is spontaneous. Improvisation in particular.

It seems I'm the only one in our year group capable of improvising an intermediate solo on the spot, with or without backing musicians/tracks. I don't know why - it's probably down to my classical guitar roots. I'd learned classical guitar from a very good teacher called Mr. Everitt since the start of primary school. I stopped and switched to the classical's electric counterpart somewhere between primary and secondary school. However, during the half-hour classical guitar lessons we did a huge focus on three aspects of guitar - a) fingerpicking (the main form of classical playing, since no players use picks), b) rhythm and c) scales and arpeggios. The last of those is what comes into effect the most when I improvise - I really would be as helpless at improv as my mates are without my training. Indeed, even the Year 11s seem incapable of, what seems to me, a very simple talent. All you need to know is what string to be on, what fret to hold and when to hit the string. Once you have that down well, you can go faster and faster. But improvising isn't ALL about the melody.

Rhythm is very important too. Can you imagine a solo that went "wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa" in a constant beat without any variation? Let me give you an example of how boring that can be.

(By the way, I'm a Paramore fan and Josh Farro is... well, a good guitarist. But he could have done SO much better on Misery Business' solo. It's at 2:13.)

Now, compare that to a heartfelt and compelling improvised solo from the great John Frusciante of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, in this live performance of their song off By the Way if I remember correctly, called Don't Forget Me. Listen to that solo and tell me it's worse than the Misery Business one.

Also note that eerie sound John makes through that Strat, and you can really see his Hendrix influences. Flea, the bassist, is also coming up with some brilliant improvisation that perfectly meshes with John's guitar. And the way the band just flows from improvisation to the song itself is true nirvana in my opinion.

Now, the top 3:

1. Black Dog - Led Zeppelin

2. For Those About To Rock (We Salute You) - AC/DC

3. Can't Stop - Red Hot Chili Peppers.

And that's all for now, folks! Oh, wait, a lolcat!! :D

Gets me every time.

DO NOT PANIC.

2009-06-25T09:17:00.000-07:00

Don't worry. DO NOT WORRY. I'm not going into another inactive spree just because of missing yesterday, it was blogger's fault actually. When I clicked on "New Post" it said something like "Unable to complete your request" and an error code to go with it, to make me feel so special and new. But I didn't, I simply got angry that blogger let me down. Still, I tried to post yesterday, and that's what counts.

But just in case you don't believe me, I'm gonna have to do two posts today, in order to make up for yesterday's slip in my armour. So, let's do it then.

We've been practising frequently in the pods at lunch breaks, which is helping a lot. I'd forgotten how much more fun it is to play with your friends than to play on your own, which is what I'd been starting to get used to. I stopped going round Charlie's house for a while due to the aforementioned musical differences we'd grown, but started jamming on my own or to a sound track in order to keep my skills honed. This way my musical taste flourished and I was able to explore without being hindered by Charlie telling me that song was crap or that riff was lame, and vice versa - I used to shout abuse about Pete Doherty whilst Charlie was playing a Babyshambles song or whatever.

But now we're playing together, as a group of friends no less, it's great fun. There's just something about creating some music with people you know - or even people you don't know, for that matter. That's why I love music so much, it's just so amazing, free and easy to get into. It can be soothing or arousing, calm or furious, sweet or angry. With Charlie's bass throbbing in the background and adding a long-lost depth to the song for me, me putting my guitar through her paces and Glyn smashing the drums up - a true thing of beauty.

So, people, I'd like to advise you all turn to music when you feel in need. If you're depressed, listen to some metal at full volume - it's okay. With bands like Metallica, behind the angry-appearing sound is actually a different form of emotion, not something actually negative, just a different way of showing a positive outlook. If you're happy, I find a good run of "For Those About To Rock" by AC/DC can get me even happier. Oh, and if you play an instrument - move in time with the music. It loosens you up, and for me and many other artists (Angus Young included) it makes playing easier and more natural. Don't be embarrassed about looking like an idiot just because you want to headbang or run around the stage, Young-style. It's cool. If they laugh at you it's only because they don't understand what it feels like, to let the music flow through you openly and accept it in your movements.

Anyway, I've got to go for dinner now. That was part one, I'll post another today if I remember (which I will. I MUST.)

So, adíos.

I can has band!?

2009-06-23T11:31:00.000-07:00

Hello again, after a good night's sleep.

Today we had a sports day. I'm not the most active of people (not that I'm fat, I'm just very very lazy) so I wasn't paying much attention. What did catch my attention was Charlie organizing a band. Most definitely consequent of the lunchtime jams we've been having recently (well, actually 2.)

So, here's how it's gonna be - me on lead guitar, Dan on rhythm guitar, Charlie on bass, Glyn on drums and Harvey singing. We're all capably musicians but there are a few issues with the line-up. For instance, this may sound harsh, but Harvey isn't a fantastic singer. He's a little too shy when it comes to his singing voice and isn't able to belt it like a lot of professionals and amateurs can. However, he has got some emotion behind it, just like a lot of average singers do. Myself, I don't share the same taste in music as Charlie or Dan. I do with Glyn and Harvey, although Glyn listens to techno crap and death metal whilst Harvey listens to both - and everything else. Charlie and Dan aren't into classic rock songs and bands.

I can understand Dan's reasons - he isn't exactly a dedicated player. He almost sold his guitar last year and nearly gave up, for Christ's sakes - but Charlie I don't. I mean, he's been playing guitar for a good year or so now, and he still hasn't appreciated real rock music yet. The whole root of guitar's passion, in my opinion, lies within the deep chasms of rock 'n' roll, yet Charlie finds the bold idiocy to look rock in the face and say weird things such as "I think it isn't bad, but it's just not as good as indie rock".

WHAT!?!?!?!?

Indie rock isn't bad, I admit. It has got peaks. But how... how... HOW can you compare that to rock? I mean, it's like comparing Paris Hilton to Susan Boyle for Christ's sake! Sheesh. Indie rock never has blazing guitar solos full of inspiration and emotion, and isn't full of catchy riffs and musical understanding. Rock is. And that's why I love good ol' classic rock so much.

I don't think it'll hinder the band too much though. And we've agreed to play a few times together in the pods to get comfortable before we actually get half-serious about it. It'd be pretty embarrassing to start a band, then announce that we've split up a few days later because our musical differences were too hard to overcome.

Anyway, I'll be on here tomorrow. Notice how consistent I'm being? *Pat on the back.*

Bye guys.

Volume control please.

2009-06-22T11:53:00.000-07:00

Hey guys.

This will be longer than yesterdays, thank god, since it's actually before 8 o'clock, when my mum makes me get off the computer. So anyway, today at school.

Me and three of my mates, Charlie Glyn and Dan, hired a pod for lunchtime. Technically, we didn't actually hire it since we didn't pay, and we just turned up and asked for one - definitely not the definition of hiring something. Anyway, you should have seen it - the pods at our school are actually not pods at all. They're just little rooms which aren't even soundproof, about as big as a mousehole and just as comfortable. We picked one with a drumkit in, since Glyn was insisting he was quite good at drums. He borrowed a pair of drumsticks, we borrowed two guitars and a bass (which wasn't used much) and three amps. After getting everything set up (clumsily I might add) we started. Me and Charlie did.

That was, until King Kong himself appeared and smashed the drum kit up.

At least, that was what it sounded like. A King Kong with rhythm, granted, but King Kong nonetheless. Glyn was hammering the crap out of the drums, making us barely audible and leaving us with ringing headaches afterwards. It was somewhat frustrating, especially if one of us was tuning and Glyn suddenly starts playing the drum line to "Hysteria" by Muse, making it nearly impossible.

Eventually, when it was time to leave and I and Charlie had nearly faded into the wallpaper, we were that quiet, we left the pod. My ears were ringing and it had been the least enjoyable jam I'd had with my friends. Not that Glyn was bad at drumming - he's actually quite good - but he could have taken it a little easier on them. As a result, tomorrow we intend to recruit George to the regime instead, who apparently can actually adjust the volume he plays at on the drums. Plus, he's a Guitar Hero World Tour veteran, just like me. Therefore, he must have some sort of skill since I do too. :)

Well anyway, just venting my frustration for a few precious and relieving minutes.

FOUR WEEKS LEFT OF SCHOOL, WHOO.

See you tomorrow.

Yeaahhh. Back on track.

2009-06-21T12:32:00.000-07:00

Yesss, I'm actually posting daily nowadays. Well, by that I mean the last three days... so not really a great feat of any sort. Ah well.

I'm gonna have to make this quick, since I'm meant to be off the computer already, but my mother will allow exceptions if I'm writing on this blog - better than playing games, right?

Yeah. This is going to be incredibly quick, since my mum is now literally harassing me over getting my ass upstairs and doing something other than being "glued to the bloody screen". So yeah. That's me out.

Wait. Top 3...

1. For Those About to Rock (We Salute You) - AC/DC

2. TNT - AC/DC

3. Dream On - Aerosmith.

Check them out on YouTube, I really don't have time to put them on here.

See you tomorrow (hopefully).

Ohmigodohmigodohmigod!

2009-06-20T12:17:00.000-07:00

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN.

You guys know how I was intending on spending the money I raise from this blog on a Les Paul?

Right?

WRONG!

I know, Les Pauls are fantastic guitars and they are one of the best looking types I've ever laid eyes upon. But following my recent addiction to rock band AC/DC, I've become hooked on another of Gibson's masterpieces - the SG.

Oh, yes. Angus Young, lead guitarist of AC/DC, is famous for his SG and his prestigious skill at playing it. It can achieve a variety of sounds - like AC/DC's more bluesy stuff, such as "Stiff Upper Lip", to their famous crunchy distortion sounds - "Whole Lotta Rosie" and the blazing solos that occur - "Back In Black". I know, I know, the Les Paul can achieve this as well. And the Les Paul, a lot of people might argue, is better looking too. Well, my outlook on life has changed over the past months, since I started this - Les Pauls are a portrayal of perfection, cleanliness and holiness. Hence the reason Jimmy Page plays it - Led Zeppelin are the liquid form of music, so elegant and harmonic. Right up until AC/DC smashes right into the delicate sheet of paper that is Led Zep's music and Angus tears up a killer riff on his destructive, demonic and eeeevilllll SG, with an ebony finish, and ends up literally making everything explode but himself and his guitar.

And for those of you who do not know what an SG looks like:

That's my current definition of beauty. It's not the same type of beauty as a lovely and curvy Les Paul - look at this thing. You could spear someone's eye with those points for Christ's sake! It's awesome! I'd like to say quickly that I'm not a satanist and the only reason I find this beautiful is because... well, I just do. Is that an issue?

Plus, it's cheaper (not meaning it's worse, don't forget) and it means I'll be ready to grab it a.s.a.p! I CAN'T WAIT!!!

A month... no!!!

2009-06-19T12:12:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in nearly a month. How stupid am I.

No dwelling on the negative stuff though. I'll launch straight into a post and get to the meat of it all.

Music - I've said it before, I'll say it again. In my opinion, music is as important as oxygen for the human brain. Sure, you can try to replace it with some other crap, like counting the blades of grass in your garden or something stupid, but in the end, music is a necessity. And my favourite artist has changed over the past week or so. Hooooraaaaay!

Yeah. I'm now totally hooked on a little band you may have heard of called AC/DC. Who am I kidding, there's nothing little about them at all. One of the most famous rock bands of all time, in fact. Angus & Malcolm Young, Beano Johnson, Bon Scott, Phil Rudd, Cliff Williams, they're all legends and they fit together perfectly. The chances of that are like firing a thousand-piece puzzle out of a cannon and finding they land perfectly in place - nigh on impossible. Yet it happened, down under in Australia, long ago it seems now. Yet they're still together and still kicking some serious ass.

Their newest album, Black Ice, hasn't changed their sound at all - just the way it should be, since there's only been one album that sold more than their biggest hit, Back In Black. If you haven't heard that, you're a satanist and you deserve to be punished. Here, listen to this awesomeness and tell me it isn't good.

That, my friends, is what I call musical perfection. Great riff, great lyrics and singing, great solo, great drumming, great song. ARGH. It's almost too good!

Well, gotta cut this short for today. I'll post tomorrow, I promise. Maybe. Hopefully.

Peace.

What's most important in a band?

2009-05-24T10:08:00.000-07:00

HEY! I posted early today! It's a god-damned miracle!

I'm so happy! Yet I can't think of what to write about. Hmmm... Aha, I know. Alright, those of you who play a rock instrument (the ones I'm mainly thinking of are guitar, bass, drums, singing, keyboard perhaps) and have ever played in a group will know how frustrating it is if you cannot be heard over the noise of the other members of the band. I for one completely sympathize with this situation, since last half term. You see, last half-term in music we were doing a project where we wrote our own song. Ours wasn't fantastic but that isn't the point. The point is, Ben - who was on the drums - was way, way, way louder than I could achieve with the crappy little Gear4Music amp the school provided. Therefore, the entire 55 minute session would always pass with Ben making 90% of the noise, me making 9.99% and Andrew on the keyboard making about 0.01% - literally, once me and Ben came in he was history, totally inaudible.

However, many instruments simply aren't meant to be heard very clearly in my opinion. For instance, a keyboard compliments songs well when it's in the background, for instance Smoke on the Water. But when it's a main part of the song's volume it can ruin a song entirely. In my opinion, the main instruments in a rock band that need to be the first things to hit you in the face are the electic guitar(s) and the singer. After which comes the drums, then the bass.

Bassists will immediately read that above and start researching where I live in order to assassinate me for blaspheming, but hear me out. I never said bass is not important - in fact it's one of the most important, along with the drums, in my opinion. But it's not something you remember the song for, unless you're listening to an insane bassist like RHCP's Flea. No, normally what keeps your attention and sticks in your head for hours afterwards is either a) the guitar riff or b) the lyrics and vocals. That said, bass and drums are vital for a song. Imagining just a guitar and a singer brings various suicide techniques into my head, because it simply wouldn't work. Maybe if you're sitting around a campfire with your mates and you're just having a sing-a-long, then yes, it works fine. But a studio song? No, never. Ever, ever, ever. The only exception is Stairway to Heaven, which managed a guitar, keyboard and singer for four minutes before introducing the two more important instruments.

God, I haven't structured this post very well. I'll sum it up as quickly and understandably as possible, since I may be flying straight over your head by this point. Summary - bass and drums are essential. But guitar and vocals are more important. No, bass and drums are more important, but so is the guitar and the vocalist. Not as much, it's less important, but it's not unimportant. The bass and drums are most important and the guitar and singing is just important. Aaaaah, screw that. You get my drift.

Peace.

Red Faction: Guerrilla review

2009-05-23T10:51:00.000-07:00

Hey guys.

I'm really running out of things to write about. Therefore, I'm gonna review something. However, not a book - since the ones I've read recently are all non-fiction, which are exceptionally boring to review. Not just boring, but really boring. So, I'm going to review a game.

Right, I lied. It's not a game, it's a game demo. Much less to write about that way, you see. Well anyway, I'll get started.

Red Faction: Guerrilla. A lot of people say it has a lot to live up to, with its predecessors being pioneers of destructive environment open-world gameplay. I'd agree with them on that, even though I haven't actually played RF1 or RF2. In fact, I only heard of this game because my friend Andrew told me about it at school. In fact, before the review I'll give you a little background info about what goes on in our friendship group:

Me, Salem, Ben and George all own an Xbox 360, and play together a lot. However, Andrew only owns a Vista PC to play COD5 on. Hence, me, Salem, George and Ben always mock him for not having one. Harsh? Maybe. Maybe it would be, if he was actually too poor to afford one. But no, he's got like £600 in his bank account, would it hurt so much to invest and join the craze? I don't think so. And yeah, I know we should let him use his money how we wants, but the thing is that he isn't using it for anything. Since the computer, he hasn't used his money in like a year. Anyway, the reason he introduced RF:G was because it's cross-platform. Yes, PC players can play against 360 players in a rare type of Live system. I'd go into detail but I'm too lazy, so... yeah. For a brief period Andrew was bragging to us, all like "Haha, Windows Live users don't have to pay to play online but Xbox users do." So I checked the Microsoft website, and funnily enough, yes. You DO have to pay Andrew, you stupid little cock.

Anyway, back to RF:G. You play as Alec Mason, a member of the Red Faction. You came to Mars in the year 20somthing because you thought you'd get filthy rich by mining, and head back home, get a supermodel wife and five kids, buy a mansion and a Ferrari, and spend the rest of your life in a jacuzzi with various beautiful women who are only half-dressed whilst your wife looks after the kids. Instead, you arrive to find the EDF, or Earth Defence Force, slaughtering and butchering civilians "for their own good". I'm guessing George Bush was behind the game's logic and designed the EDF. Anyway, since you're furious with the crap the EDF are going through with, you join a rebellion called the Red Faction, who have been battling against the EDF ever since they starting pwning the n00bs, somewhere between RF2 and RF:G.

Well, anyhoosier, you don't get much storyline from the demo. The mission is to run into an EDF base, steal a mining walker for the Red Faction and escape on the back of a truck with a grenade-launching turret on the back of it. I wish I had one. To start with, Alec is equipped with a sledgehammer, an assault rifle and some remote charges. All of these come in handy in some way - by far the most fun, for me, being the sledgehammer. It's awesome. Alec Mason must have been some butch bodybuilding guy for him to raze as much stuff as he does with one blow of the hammer. RT performs a horizontal swing whilst LT performs a downward smash - perfect for crushing EDF skull, hell yeah. As well as armour, the sledgehammer also excels at destroying walls, knocking them down in one or two smashes at most. It's really useful, particularly in the Geomod environment (I'll get to that later) and allows new tactical options like never before - get a floor above your enemies, smash a hole in the floor, drop a remote charge through and make it go boom, drop down and get a full house with one swing of your hammer, it's up to you. The way the developers have done it is brilliant. The other two weapons are handy too, but not quite as cool. Well, I suppose the charges are. You can place four at a time, though you carry 16 to start. Once you've placed up to four charges, you can detonate them as you see fit by pressing B. They make quite nice bangs, courtesy of the brilliant explosion graphics, and are a more noticeable but equally fun way of getting through a building as the sledgehammer. You can also stick them to the EDF troopers, upon which they run around in panic until you blow 'em up. It makes really good fun if you've stuck three of them at the same time, all running around like chickens, then all blowing up at the same time. And the assault rifle is for shooting the EDF. Nothing more, nothing less.

The environment is NOT fully destructable. Sure, the structures and all are, but the terrain is set in stone, quite literally. Of course, I don't really give a crap, since the Geomod 2.0 engine does such a good job with building stress systems that you completely forget about that tiny flaw. The way that a piece of metal will break according to where you hit/blow it up is just amazing and will never cease to impress me. I've seen more realistic wood damage, from the Force Unleashed, but it's still not bad at all. Anyway, thanks to this great damage engine there are endless possibilites. Run through a level with a rocket launcher, blowing up anything that moves, drive a car towards the enemy base loaded with charges and bail out at the last moment to detonate once it's inside the building, run through walls which enemies are hiding behind - really, I can't think of when to stop. It's a fantastic fresh breath of air from Halo 3, which is a good game but gets a little annoying when no buildings fall over after ten or so Spartan laser shots. Oh god, I'd love to see the Spartan laser in RF:G. Wow. That'd kick some juicy ass.

And the AI. Well, I'll say it's not exactly amazing. If you catch one out in the middle of an open area for instance, and open fire at it, it'll just stop running for cover and sit and crouch, opening fire at you. How dumb can you get? Seriously - think about it. You're running towards cover, you're almost there - when you feel a bullet hit your armour. You're a few steps away from cover, where you can fire from while feeling a lot safer, or you can stop in the goddamned open and commence shooting from there. Hell, if you chose option B you're Gordon Brown. Congratulations.

The graphics - fantastic. The Geomod 2.0 engine seriously boosts the graphics, with the beautifully detailed explosions added to by flying debris. You can't not love blowing the same building up over and over again, just because it causes you a spontaneous orgasm every time you see it happen. Especially when you blow up a gas tank and there's a green tinge to the huge orange explosion, it just looks, ugh. AMAZING.

In conclusion - the scores.

Gameplay - 9/10

Story - 7/10

Graphics - 9/10

AI - 4/10

Overall - 7.25/10

The world REALLY isn't perfect.

2009-05-22T13:18:00.000-07:00

Hey people.

I'm slightly late today - I was originally intending to start posting twice per day from today to boost my income, but I forgot. Well, at least I didn't completely forget, anyway. So, now that I've remembered I have to think of something to actually write about...

Hmm...

Oh yeah. Why did Britney shave her head exactly? I mean, I never really looked at the news behind it, I was simply cut short by laughter when seeing that shiny, smooth style on the head of a woman. I mean, I'd understand if it was unavoidable, like if she'd had cancer or something. In which case I definitely wouldn't have laughed, since cancer isn't funny. But no, she wasn't ill, she simply decided to shear off all her long, presumably well-grown hair. Publicity? I bloody well think so.

Anyway, I really meant that cancer isn't funny. Seriously. I dunno if it's the environment every UK student goes through nowadays, but for some reason relatively a lot of people seem to be affected by a serious disease of some sort or another. For instance, my friend's mum was diagnosed with breast cancer last year - fortunately she recovered. I was actually pretty worried and scared for her, since I'd been friends with her daughter since Year 3. That's six years. Still, that wasn't anywhere near as bad as when one of my best friends was caught with leukemia. That was just... the worst.

It was terrible. He'd been missing school since the start of term 2 in Year 8. Naturally we were all wondering, yet none of us had his phone number (he wasn't a "come-round-my-house-every-day-to-play-on-my-computer" type of best friend - more of a "see-you-at-school" best friend) so none of us could ask him about it. I hate to say it, but after the first six or seven weeks without him around us, he began to fade from my mind. Not completely, but I'd have to be lying in bed and staring at the ceiling before he came to mind again, which I'm ashamed of. You see, he was a great person - funny as hell, especially. I mean, even when he isn't trying to be funny he manages it. Like, once in Geography the head of year walked into the room and was asking our teacher about some boring teacher crap when his phone started ringing. What made it so funny was a) the ringtone itself, which sounded like a stock ringtone designed for a mix between Christmas and a disco party, and b) the amazingly startled look on his face. Naturally, since everyone loved him and he was so popular and funny, he got let off pretty easily with it.

Anyway, nearing the end of the year, we heard news about him. Rumours were flying around, saying that he was coming back or something. Me, Ben, Andrew and Salem were all immediately curious, yet none of us were told the real news until the whole form group was told. I'll be blunt - our form tutor is a blunt, insensitive cow. Ben, especially, had a very strong friendship with our friend, and obviously would have been hurt if Ms. Jackson did what she ended up doing.

"By the way, everyone - you remember [our friend]? He's got leukemia and he won't be in school for the rest of the year."

Actually, I think me and Ben coped with it quite well initially. There was a shocked silence, even though 80% of the room didn't know him. Salem and Andrew were his good friends, but aren't so quick to show emotion comparitively as me and Ben are. We got let out to first lesson, and it was early into period 1 that the tears started. Ben went first and I went over to comfort him - before finding I myself was bursting into tears also. I felt embarrassed, of course, but the main thing I felt was worry. Deep, unthinkably painful worry for our best friend, who had a lethal disease. I managed to splutter the news to the few who were gathering around to support us.

The entire lesson was spent with nearly everyone in the set in tears. He'd been a charismatic part of the group, and everyone was so stricken by the idea of him not returning. It hurt.

Badly.

Well, after recovering slightly we made re-doubled efforts for his cause. We soon received news that the disease had been intercepted early and that he'd be fine, but that obviously didn't just let us rest on our laurels while our greatest friend was in so much pain. This next part is the most incredible thing.

Basically, we decided to get him something he'd like, to pass the time and take his mind off the antibiotics for a while. We started gathering money from people all around school, and the pot soon grew, and rapidly. I made £15 donation, Ben also making £15. Nearly everyone in set 1 gave at least £5. Before a week or two, we'd knocked up around £180 between us. Me, Ben, Salem and Andrew all congregated and decided on an Xbox 360 as his present - it was a perfect price, and that way he'd be able to play with me, Salem and Ben over Xbox Live.

Time passed quickly after that, and the Xbox was bought and delivered. He expressed his thanks and also gave us his phone number (finally) for us to contact him. We arranged to go around his house for some fun and to see him. Unfortunately, Ben was in Swansea for Counties swimming or something like that. So me and Salem met him, and we had (after some preliminary awkwardness) a good three or four hours on the Xbox, on Halo 3. I tell you, it's a great game to unwind with. It was great - since he hadn't hooked up Xbox Live yet we went on custom games, on free-for-all. At one point, they teamed up on me. After having camped me three or four times, our friend tried to betray Salem by stabbing him with a sword. He failed, since he's that bad at Halo, so Salem turned around and blew him up. I think the violent type of game is way better than any other at breaking tension. If we'd been playing Hello Kitty Island Adventure we'd probably have not spoken to each other for the entire duration of the game.

So, anyway. The worst part - even worse than the initial news, though it didn't end in tears - was when I was talking to him on the phone and asked him when he'd be able to come back. His answer was:

"Bad news cropped up, mate. I'm moving schools."

He tried to make it sound like he was happy about it, but I could tell he didn't want to. And I sure as hell didn't want him to either - we'd been waiting for so long to see him again. I honestly think if he'd returned he could have gotten laid about five or six times. After saying "you're joking, right?" and talking to his mum about it a little bit, I shrugged dumbly and hung up. I cried my eyes out that night, which may have made me seen really gay, but he was that close. That popular.

Well, we're in Year 9 now. The pain of the past is fading quickly enough, though we haven't contacted him in a while. I better get round to doing that over the holidays, arrange another meeting. I hope to God he hasn't forgotten us for his new friends from his new school. We sure haven't forgotten him. Sure as I am sure that Britney is an attention-seeking bald-headed cow.

Ex-bald headed anyway.

Cookies - good. Puberty - bad. Voice - ugly.

2009-05-21T12:00:00.000-07:00

Hello.

As I type this, I have just finished a pack of Maryland chocolate and hazelnut cookies, and I'm spreading the crumbs all over the keyboard. But of course, I don't care - because cookies are that great. I'm not a fat kid who always fantasizes over food - I'm not even fat in the first place actually. The thing is, since I'm only 14 I have a high metabolism, which means I can eat all the unhealthy crap I want and I'll hardly gain weight - as opposed to adults, who only have to eat half a chocolate bar for their asses to jiggle all week.

I love the chocolate chips, and when you find them. It's like they're mini-oasises. Soft and sweet in the middle of a crunchy desert of cookie goodness, with the odd hazelnut to spice it up a little. Well, I'm sure you've all eaten a cookie before. If not, I suggest you head for your nearest shop and buy some immediately - they're unmissable.

Anyway, as I type this I am also listening to an Aerosmith song, called "Dream On". At first, when I heard it the first thing that popped into my mind was - "What the hell is this fake bullcrap? That's not Steven Tyler. Gimme the real thing." So, believing devoutly that the song off iTunes was a fake, I searched all over YouTube for the original. Everywhere I looked, however, it was the same audio track with the un-Tyler-ish voice singing. So I checked the live performance, and oddly enough - there he was, Steven Tyler himself, pouring his soul into the microphone but not in his "trademark" rasp.

See, I read somewhere that the voice ages with the body. Not true. About a year or so ago I and Charlie went to a music shop which was holding an open evening with a few performances from local acts. In among the three acts was a band (I've quite sadly forgotten the name) and the frontman was an older guy, maybe around fifty or sixty. (I'm not great with guessing ages, for all my guess is worth he could have been twenty.) Yet when he sang he sounded just like a young vocalist with their whole career ahead of them. So you can't really claim that Steven Tyler's voice has changed due to his age.

Wear and tear? Maybe. With all the screaming in some of their songs, I wouldn't be surprised if his voice had adjusted to cope with the harsher sounds it was being forced to produce. Maybe that's why I love playing guitar so much - because the sound and quality never changes, never alters itself unreliably. I mean, Steven's voice was great back then and it's great now, but it's still different. I personally prefer modern-Tyler, but he sure wasn't bad in Aerosmith's early years.

I'm sad to say that the transformation of my own voice is even more of a mystery, at least to me. I'm 14, and my voice started breaking roughly half-way through being 14. Not exactly an early starter, yeah, but a lot of kids in my form can still sing Queen songs an octave higher than they should be. Anyhoo, my voice has broken quite dramatically - I used to have quite a high voice, and my singing pitch was vast, if I say so myself. However, once the hormones struck and my voice transformed, I found myself constantly speaking in a baritone. And singing was even worse - the first time I tried to sing along to an AC/DC song and found I hit exactly 0% of the notes was... suicide-inducing. If anything, it made me cling to my guitar even more than I had before - because I didn't want to lose all of my musical ability all because of some god-damned hormones. My voice probably will never be like it was, yet I can't help hoping it will be one day. I don't want a vocal coach and would much rather spend that time playing guitar or socializing - I'm a guitarist at soul, not a singer.

Still doesn't stop me from singing along to "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" though.

Steven Tyler still kicks ass.

Welcome me back.

2009-05-20T11:54:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm back. Don't even ask why I haven't posted in so long, because the answer is pretty stupid - I forgot. Yeah. How dumb must I be? Get over it.

Anyway, I've got a lot of stuff to write about - the Scotland trip, for one. However, I'm pretty sure I can wrap my personall crap up pretty quick and get onto something far more fun to read. Okay, basically - it was an all-day bus trip with lots of bumps. Then we stayed in a house in the middle of nowhere for a week, going kayaking, zip-wiring and climbing. Then came another all-day trip with more bumps and sickness, then I was back here. Phew, that was efficient. Now...

Okay, I've been expanding my musical shores, so to speak. Not to the extent I can listen to pure, unadultered rap - I pray that day never comes, for it will show I have degenerated from a well-taught musician to a retard - but rather, I've managed to listen to a few Travis Barker remixes without printing off a picture of 50 cent and stabbing it with a blunt pencil repeatedly. Pour example:

Yeah, I thought that lessened the painful fail of rappers slightly. Though it's still nothing compared to real music. My top three list for this week:

1. Enter Sandman - Metallica

2. I Don't Want To Miss A Thing - Aerosmith

3. The Spirit of Radio - Rush

All great songs from great artists. Especially Enter Sandman - remember it? Yeah, I posted a video of Metallica live in Moscow a while back performing the song. It's awesome as hell. Awesome as awesomeness even. Seriously, it's the best song EVER. Just because it might be off my top 3 list in the future, doesn't mean that opinion has changed. It will always be a fantastic song for me. Then again, it's unfair to mention these songs:

Pull Me Under - Dream Theater

The Show Must Go On - Queen

Stairway To Heaven - Led Zeppelin

Kashmir - Led Zeppelin

There's a lot more I could ramble on about, but I will not. Right, also we're only two more days away from the long-awaited seven-day reprieve of constant schoolwork and - in Maths' case - revision. For some odd reason, our school set up our exams like this. In exam week, we did our English and Science papers - but not our Maths, which apparently will wait until the last term. That's weird as hell. Well, whatever. I'd better go and revise now, I'll leave you rocking with this cool song from System Of A Down, who I'm not a huge fan of but like this song nevertheless.

Oooooooooooooooooh yeah. I love the verses - the less psycho parts. Anyway, I really got to go, so much love guys/gals. Bye.

Rap battles.

2009-04-09T12:42:00.000-07:00

What's goin' down ma' homies.

Yet another late post, tut tut tut to me. Well, pretty soon there won't be a post for an entire week (nearly) due to me being in Scotland. Huzzah.

Anyway, I was quite hyper the other night and I started having a rap battle with one of my mates, Charlie, over MSN. At first it wasn't so great from both sides but the heat soon picked up and after two or so rounds each we were both ON FIRE. YEAH. YEAH.

Well, what good is it if I don't share? Actually my MSN chat logs are really screwed up so I can't post the ones me and Charlie traded. I'll give you guys an exclusive.

'Ay fool, why you trippin'

You tryin' ta' stop me from rippin'

But yo' rhymes are weak, bro', your standards are slippin'

Pretty soon ma' lines are gonna have you flippin'

So get outta' hea' foo', before I blast yo' ass out

Gangster rappin' ain't what'chu knowledgable about

What chu' better be knowledgable about is how to reroute

Bro', this ain't the boy scouts, we don't go fishin' fo' trouts,

Ain't nuthin' more fo' us to talk about, so get'out.

Oooooh, that was sick. (And in case you aren't so great with understanding when I'm being sarcastic, that was dripping with it. I hate rap artists just as I did when I first heard them. Rap is just some people who know how to talk fast. Me and Charlie share this rabid hatred, and our "rap battles" are just piss-takes basically. Don't get serious and start e-mailing me responses unless you're joking around as well.)

Anyway, DJ Park 'as gotta bounce, foo's! See yo' asses tomorrow.

One guitar string down, five to go.

2009-04-08T12:51:00.000-07:00

Hey.

Alright, yesterday my e string snapped halfway through a bend. By e string I mean the highest pitched string, not the E string, which is the lowest. And if you're interested, here's the most common way the strings of a guitar are displayed on a variant of sheet music known as tablature, or "tab" for short.

A lot of people, upon seeing this, ask me why there isn't a string for each note, and how you play the other notes if the strings don't have the note between them. This is roughly the time I pull a portable mini-chainsaw out of my sock and saw off their little finger for being so moronic. Every time you fret a note, it gets a little bit higher in pitch. It doesn't stay the A note all the way up the fretboard, just because you're on the A string. You can get to every single note on every string but on different octaves.

Usually I'd now go on to explain to all of you who are ignorant what octaves are, but to be honest I can't be bothered. I'm tired, bored and tired. So adios.

Oh, and why does the e string always (or usually) snap first? Because it's thinnest. Also, it's pretty much essential to a guitar solo, which tend to have a lot of bends, which involve straining the string to produce a higher pitch on the same fret. Strain = wear, and wear = tear. Anyway, that really is enough for today, plus my mother is telling me to go to bed. So see you all later, homies.

Peace.

My Teenage Years

2009-04-06T03:59:00.001-07:00

What's up.

Yes, yes, yes. I have forgotten yet again to post for a day. I really have issues. Alright, this is gonna sound like an excuse but it's because I forget. My brain simply won't remind me to get my ass off the xbox and onto here to post up and earn moneyz towards that LP. If it did there'd be probably about five posts daily onto this website and I would be a bleeding millionaire. But my brain says noooooo.

Anyway, teenagers. Hoodies, mugs, chavs, hoodlums, lurkers. Right? Actually, yes you are. Nowadays at school the chav population has shot through the roof. Even a former nerd has converted to the new nation-wide most-popular religion of tracksuit-wearing, panty-showing idiots who stink of overused Lynx deodorant. So, in general, I'd agree with those words. In fact, even the average group tend to piss passers-by off, by pulling some stupid prank so they look funny in front of their friends - me included in that of course.

But what I don't get is why we get generalised. Is it because we're going through puberty and hormones have more control over us than ourselves, therefore watching us get angry is funnier? I can think of a lot of ways to generalize adults, not that I will of course. But come on. Pick on someone else. Like babies, they wouldn't understand if you called them "badly-raised, flea-headed gorillas", they'd just sit in their cots and act like they didn't give two flying craps wrapped in bacon.

So, please stop picking on the teens. PLEASE. :)

Close shave.

2009-04-03T13:35:00.000-07:00

Too close, I nearly forgot. In fact, I'm meant to be in bed right now but the lure of the guitar was too strong to resist. So I'm here now, and here's today's post. A short one, for obvious reasons.

Anyway, I don't know how anyone can believe in a god, no offence to religious people out there. I'd hate to think that there's someone controlling my life and I'm not in charge myself - because I am. Okay, okay, so maybe I'm not very good at leading my life at times, but at least I am myself. Not a puppet controlled in a play directed by the man upstairs himself.

Of course, every now and then it does feel as if there's something supernatural that's larger than life. But that's not solid proof, and I won't believe god is controlling me until I see him (or her, politically) myself. Yeah, alright, maybe it sounds very narrow-minded to you, especially for a fourteen year old boy who should have a positive outlook on life. But the truth is I don't have a very open mind. I like things the way they are and I like to know that I'm in charge of my life and nobody else - especially not some old man who lives in the clouds and has a son whose name begins with a J. Ugh.

Alright, obviously I cannot ignore music because - well, I just can't. So to make up for the extreme lack of text over the past week or so, I'll give you this seriously awe-inspiring performance by Metallica of arguably their best song of all time. I swear, if there is a god he has to be called James Hetfield and own that beast of a guitar. Anyway, here it is, Moscow, Russia. Massive crowds too.

I don't know why really, but that classical part at the start with the female opera voice is one of the best parts, despite the fact I don't feel that close to classical. And it perfectly compliments the comparitively soft beginning of the song. Then cue drums and bass guitar, followed by overdrive guitar, then that absolutely AMAZING explosion.

You just have to love it.

The addict? I seriously don't think so buddy.

2009-04-01T11:24:00.000-07:00

Alright, I feel a rant coming here.

Why the hell have I forgotten for so long to post on this blog? WHY!? It's going to the guitar and I'm still not dedicated. Honestly, I can't think of anything I'd like better than to have that guitar here in my arms, yet I'm just too bloody lazy to actually put some effort into this and MAKE IT WORK. AARGH.

Anyway, now that's gone, on the REAL rant. What the hell are horoscopes for? Okay, I'll grant you sometimes they're relatively accurate, in an obscure and flukish manner. I myself am a Scorpio (November 4th) and the following doesn't describe the week I'm having/had particularly well, if at all.

http://www.0800-horoscope.com/scorpio.php

Alright, I didn't really read properly as I should have. But near the end, it says "finances: fair to good". What? That doesn't make any sense at all - I'm skint and broke, otherwise I'd have that beautiful Epiphone here with me instead of writing on th- phew, stopped myself. Anyway, I accept all donations above the number of £300 (GBP) and will gladly repay you once I'm a bad-ass rockstar or something big-paying like that. Certainly my horoscope doesn't think so.

Anyway, I'm bored, tired and... um... bored. So see you.

Parallel universes, and how much I want them

2009-03-27T12:41:00.001-07:00

Hello again.

First off, sorry about missing a day (or two, I'm not sure) of posting, I completely forgot. If you know how you have my permission to reach through that computer screen and slap me in the face.

Anyway. I was thinking, and I was thinking hard. Or at least, harder than normal. Because it was about something strange that I don't actually know all that much about, and that something is the mysterious theory of parallel universes.

Now, I haven't read up on it and I don't intend to because I am really that lazy, but from what I heard from my science whizz friend at school, there are infinite parallel universes out there, all part of a theorized "multiverse". Now, each of these parallel universes is different. Maybe (in fact, definitely), there's a universe out there where all ladybirds are green with beige stripes down the middle. Maybe there's a universe where there has never been any wars. Maybe there's a universe where everybody in the world loved rock music and rap and hip hop never existed. Maybe there's a universe where George Bush never was born. Oh, the wishful possibilities are endless.

Anyway, since we were in English at the time of my deep pondering I was in a more analytical mood, shall we say. I was pondering if it'd be possible to go to any of these parallel universes, and I struck upon what I believe to be the most likely story.

Black holes.

Yes, scientists say that anything going into a black hole is destroyed, but maybe that's just because nobody can see into another universe. You never know, if you think very hard about the universe you want to be in as you enter the hole you might just find yourself in it. All the same, I'd rather steer well clear of all black holes until that theory's been tested. Preferably by somebody else stupid enough to do so.

Anyway, I'd really love some parallel universes where:

1. I received a million pounds every day from a Swiss bank account.

2. I had eternal youth.

3. There was no prejudice.

The last one may seem somewhat "hippyish", but think about it. Of course, you can say that things like racism, war and hatred are all worse than prejudice but you'd be wrong. You can't be a racist without being prejudiced against the race you're discriminating. You can't wage a war without some form of prejudice and you can't hate someone or something for no reason, even if you think you do. Prejudice is what drives everything negative.

So, since that was quite an odd post because I actually wrote sincerely for once, I'll lighten the mood. With another of my favourite songs.

Hooray, a milestone

2009-03-25T12:44:00.000-07:00

Hey all.

Yep, this post marks a milestone. Not a very impressive one, in fact the opposite. It's the lamest milestone I could have bothered with. But anyway, hooray hooray for I have made ten posts!! (Including this one obviously.)

Now, it'd be pretty lame if I were to leave the day with just a post about having reached a milestone. So let's converse... about what?

This seems to happen a lot more often; I end up sitting here behind the PC, thinking of what to write about. Often the subjects swerve towards either what I'm doing at that moment or the mood I'm in. To be honest, I feel quite blank at the moment, and very bored. Oh, wait, I managed to play Stillborn by Black Label Society on "Hard" difficulty today on the drums in Guitar Hero. Very interesting, I'm sure you agree. (Not.)

So, since I can't think of anything I suppose I really will have to leave you on an anticlimax. In fact, since posting without any effort whatsoever would make me feel so guilty, I'll give you a video to watch, one of my favourites and very ingeniously put together. It's great, check it out.

It's review time.

2009-03-24T12:49:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone.

Okey-dokey, normally I wouldn't bother with book reviews. To be honest, I don't see the point in reviews, unless you're going to buy the product and you want to see what people think of it. I mean, why would you read a review about something you already have to see someone else's opinion about it? You've got the thing, you have your opinion, that should be that. So in general I see reviews as pretty useless things.

However. I am being paid EXTRA for book reviews, hence I will start posting these a lot more often to hasten the arrival of the moneys and therefore the Epiphone. That's only when I have the strength, however, since it saps a lot of my energy by writing these things - it's tedious to be honest. But anything for the money. God, I sound like a tramp or something. Moving on.

So, today I'll review a book called Noughts & Crosses. Heard of it? More than likely, it's a very good book, written by Malorie Blackman. It tells the story of a nought (white person), Callum McGregor, and a Cross (black person), Sephy Hadley. You can probably guess both by the way that each of the races has a title and that the "nought" isn't capitalized and the "Cross" is, therefore implying that the Crosses are more important, that the book follows a very controversial path, and you'd be right at that. There's a many themes in this book, and I mean many. I'll only write about the first of the trilogy, maybe I'll review Knife Edge and Checkmate afterwards.

So, the themes. These include Terrorism, prejudice, hatred, love, interracial love, mixed race children, martyrdom, police brutality, etc. You can tell it's a bunch of hand-picked themes chosen specifically to pluck at the heartstrings, so to speak. Blackman most likely chose these to create a sense of empathy between the reader and the characters, and I can say that it works bloody well. If it was something pathetic, like, oh I don't know, losing a mobile phone, the reader might feel sorry somewhat for the character but it's like an ant stood next to a Tyrannosaurus Rex when the character's been affected by a shopping-centre bomb placed by a nought "freedom fighter" terrorist group.

I'll say another thing, the book manages to follow several characters' stories while not getting the reader confused, like so many other books do, which angers me slightly. Blackman finds ways to twist between each storyline, leaving each one at a cliffhanger. No, not a cliffhanger, more like a skyscraperhanger. The suspense built up sometimes is enough to make an OAP wet their stinky pants.

Okay, I'm worn out. Not a great or a lengthy review, but it'll do. Besides which, my mother is ramming the vacuum cleaner up my backside to tell me to get up and help with the chores. So, for now, I'm going to bow out. Have a nice night, and if you're religious stick in a good word with God for me, I want the GCSE options I chose and I'll be angry if I don't get them. Anyway, that pole is really not doing wonders for my anus, so bye bye.

The inspiration's dying

2009-03-23T12:41:00.001-07:00

Oh no. What's going on?

I missed a day. NO WAY. I didn't post yesterday!! How could I forget!?

That's a little less money towards the Les Paul. A little less money to my current life goal. A little less money, a little less money.

Oh, how could I forget?

Well, there's no point brooding about it now. I'll just make two posts today. Or maybe tomorrow, if I don't remember for today. Nah, I'll do them today. So, what d'you guys want to talk about? Oh, I know. The console battle.

Right, most of you gamers will know what I mean by the console battle, but for those of you who are sat at home thinking "What the hell is a console battle?", it's pretty much the ongoing battle between Xbox 360, PS3 and Wii fans. Again, you might think "I've never seen people argue over something so pathetic" and you'd probably be right. But it's incredibly hard to stop yourself from defending your corner of the ring when someone preaches about their console.

I'm in the Xbox 360 corner, Microsoft for the win, etc etc. I'm not actually that patriotic about it all, but all the same I don't like it when people go "The PS3 owns. 360s are for dicks" and so on and so forth, it's ridiculous. I never actually start these arguments but I always have to defend the 360 because it deserves to be defended.

The PS3 has better graphics? Of course it bloody well does. It had a whole year to improve on the Xbox 360, which was released mid-November 2005. Sony released their counter in mid-November 2006, with not actually what you'd call a year's progress. Big whoop, so they added Blu-Ray and a better graphics engine - huzzah. Who really cares? The graphics aren't exactly Pacman and Final Fantasy either, the difference isn't all that noticeable, at least not to me. And as for Blu-ray, any 360 owner who wishes to watch a Blu-ray disc can simply go and get a Blu-ray extension and link it up - good as gold.

On the other hand, I have to admit that free Xbox live would be quite nice. And surfing the internet would also be a good little addition to the Dashboard. So Sony actually did do quite well in improving a few things, but not the really important stuff.

You think different? Post your arguments if you want. But for now, Harry out.

Woah, slow down, says my brain

2009-03-21T12:45:00.000-07:00

Well, that was close.

You see, I only just remembered to do this blog today, which sucks. Because I still haven't got into the habit, which means pretty soon I'm likely to forget one day. And then I will miss a payment.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

*Ahem*. Now then, that's over with. So, I went to a birthday party today of one of my friends' fathers, who is fifty. The 5-0. Five decades. Sweeeeet. Of course, since he's only my friend's dad and not my friend himself, I don't know him all that well and therefore only really came to be polite and to wish him a happy birthday, after which my friend, my other friend and me went outside with a football and had a kick-about for a while down at the local field.

Just as we were heading back to the pub, which was where the party was held, two of my friend's little cousins came running out, Mummy right behind them. So, because we'd feel guilty and harsh if we didn't, we agreed to go kick the ball around for a bit longer to entertain the younglings.

Now, this will sound extremely depressing. But I had more fun with the little kids than my mates.

Okay, that really was depressing. In fact, let's phrase it another way. I had more fun with the younger boys than I did with my mates who now go another school and who I only see once a month, if that. There, that doesn't seem so bad. But the reason for that was because they were so full of laughter. No matter what you said, a giggle from your waist level occurred.

As a result, me and one of my mates decided to be the goalposts while one of the younglings was the 'keeper. He saved about half the shots fired, me and my mate pulling off dramatic dives for their entertainment. At one point it resulted in a wrestling match between me and the other goalpost - fake of course, wrestling is pretty pointless - which had the kiddies in fits of laughter.

Maybe we run out of the laughter fuel when we get older. God knows I couldn't laugh for so long without feeling out of breath, and I'm only fourteen. Perhaps it's like the oil crisis now - pretty soon it'll be gone altogether. I scared myself when that notion popped into my head - no laughing once I'm into adulthood? No more happy moments at the park? No more giggling at some immature jokes in a film starring Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly?

But then I console myself. I see a lot of adults walking around, their faces turned down and frowing. But there's just as many who walk around with a positive air, smiling and friendly. Obviously not the guys who work at KFC or anything, but just average you and me type people. So maybe it isn't the fuel that is important. It's the will. And only a few people lose the will or the hope for laughter. I sure as hell hope I'm not going to lose that will, it'd be the most depressing thing to ever happen. Until then, I'm going to watch some hilarious literal music videos. Know the song that was posted last time? The music video was taken off YouTube - tears. But this guy called Dusto McNeato who makes funny YouTube came up with this great original idea. Check it out, it'll certainly fill up your laughter tank right to the brim.

Red Hot? Damn right

2009-03-20T11:16:00.000-07:00

Hey again.

So, music. Since I'm in a musical mood - as usual. No, but really. Let's talk about music, and real music, not the trash I mentioned a few months ago.

So, know any decent bands? Ooh, I got one. Lostprophets. Hmm, well actually they're pretty average, they don't have a unique sound and they're still pretty new on the scene, as it goes. How about... Led Zeppelin? Oh, they're a bloody brilliant band alright, but... their time's been and gone. Their prime was quite a while ago, and though it's great they're still going with that reunion tour and all, I don't think they'll ever be quite as awesome as they used to be. So, we'll have to keep looking. Hmmmm...

I got it. The perfect band. Not too new, not too old, perfect and unique style and sound, talented members and a brilliant stage presence. Guessed who I've thought up yet?

That's right. Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Of course, the ignorant ones of you out there will say "who?" or maybe "oh, aren't they those types of pepper they sell down at Morrison's now?". But those of you who even vaguely know your stuff will have heard of, and probably respect, this band. Honestly, they're the greatest quartet I've ever seen in the world, they fit together just so perfectly. Chad Smith - absolutely amazingly talented drummer, his hands-in-pockets style letting Flea make more of a groove and some experimentation. Flea - one of the best bassists out there today, if not THE best. Especially during improvisations and in slap n' pop songs, he demostrates a thorough and detailed knowledge of the fretboard of that beautiful signature bass, when he travels up and down it at breakneck speeds. John Frusciante - the best experimental guitarist of all time, in my opinion, maybe second to Hendrix. The way he blends his guitar improvs, gentle or loud, with Flea's bass and Chad's drumming, is something that only true, unadultered talent can produce. One of the only guitarists out there who knows exactly which fret on the guitar will make the best sound at a time. And of course, Anthony Kiedis - a very charismatic frontman whose vocals and lyrics can be haunting one moment, loud and happy the next. Some have said that he's the least talented in his field in the band, but I would say he's way more than competent to hold his own with the outstanding musicians he gets up on stage with.

And, to top it all off, RHCP have been together since 1983 - That's over a quarter of a century that they've been jamming. Not 25 years consistently, okay, what with having the common rockstar problems of drugs and publicity. The Fru had to duck out at one point to sort his heroin addiction out, as well as the original guitarist Hillel Slovak dying early on due to a heroin overdose in 1988. They've been through most shades of music now - from punk to funk to ballad to whatever you want to call them. They've seen it all, and they're still standing. Not something you can say about most bands. And that's why I love them. Here's one of their best songs, in my opinion.

School and its lameness

2009-03-19T09:21:00.000-07:00

Hey again.

I've just come back from school, and I didn't like it. I never like it. And I never have. But. Can you blame me?

Maybe you like school - ask yourself why. Why do you like school? Most likely "because you get to meet your friends". Big whoop. I could meet my friends outside of school, without having a teacher throwing me in a detention or something for talking. Hang on a second, what did you just say? How would I have met my friends without school?

Okay, you have me there. I suppose they should hold, like a week of school, so you make friends. Then they tell you to bugger off and leave us all to our own devices, with our newfound group of friends. Because friends would be a lot easier to make without a teacher shoving rules and manners down the plastic tube down our throats which is school. And besides, I would attend clubs and stuff that I'm interested in to fill the gap where school used to be, and I'd meet plenty of friends there, people who are interested in what I am. So really, why do we need to go to school? If it didn't exist teachers might be able to get a better salary too, at a different job.

Oh, and screw education. Har har.

Sorry, I forgot a bit.

2009-03-18T11:58:00.000-07:00

Been a bit since the last post, eh? My bad for that. It's a little late now but Merry Christmas and Happy new year, and happy Chinese new year as well. Bla de bla de bla.

Anyway, I'm not always going to be ranting, in fact I'll try to make them few and far between. I know most people aren't fond of being raged at on a topic that I feel strongly about and won't rest until the argument is won. Uh oh, I'm getting started again, so let's find something to hold me back.

Aha, music again. I normally wouldn't actually write a blog like this, as I know I wouldn't commit. But this blog's special, in that I'm getting paid to do it. Paid! YES! MONEY! AHAHAHAHA!! No, but seriously, I really am getting paid for this. Every post I make gets me some coins to rub together, which I could easily go spend down at the shops, or to buy some sort of weird watergun that can shoot lemon juice or something strange like that. But that's not what I'm saving up for, though I know more than one person at my school I'd like to see writhing at the floor in pain whilst clawing their eyes, me standing over them with my Lemon-Shooter 5000. I shouldn

't mention that they're mostly teachers I want to spray in the face. Ups, too late. Anyhow, the thing I want to buy is the most beautiful thing in the world (at least to me). It will take a while to rack up the money for it, but I know it's one of the only things that could keep me committed to something like this.

Feast your eyes on this b-e-a-uty.

Tell me that isn't one of the most deliciously beautiful guitars you've seen in your life and you'll receive a slap in the jaw. Yeah, that's right, I'll come and slap you through the PC screen. Don't think there isn't a way to, either. I've done it before. Seriously, though, you have to admit you'd be crazy not to want one, even if you can't play guitar for camel dung and only want to display it in your front room so that visitors fall into the couch and sit there all day, dribbling into their laps over the magnificent specimen in front of them. Wouldn't you take this to the Louvre and ask them to place it in the Mona Lisa's stead? Personally I honestly believe it's that aesthetically pleasing and I am never going to leave it out of my sight once I've got one.

*Cough, cough.* Sorry, I was on a spree there. I suppose you want to know what the guitar actually IS. You don't? Tough balls, you're going to have to sit tight and listen. It's an Epiphone Les Paul Standard. It sounds pretty decent, with its two humbucking pickups and the Gibson way of making their guitars produce any tone for any genre. Buzzing (or feedback) is cut out thanks to those pickups, and it has a three-way pickup selector, with 22 frets, mahogany neck and a mahogany-alder body. Also put together expertly thanks to the fact that Gibson, the mother and creator of the Les Paul model, bought Epiphone and pretty much sell less expensive and less prestigious versions of Gibson's guitars. From the reviews I've read, it's got good durability and won't have pickups coming apart like my current guitar does.

Not that my current guitar sucks or anything, it's actually a really nice one for heavier rock sounds. Here is my first and current one, a Schecter Blackhawk:

That one's got a black finish, ignore that. Mine is sunburst (the same type of finish as the Les Paul). I actually quite like my guitar, it's good-looking, three-way pickup selector, two humbuckers, 24 frets, etc etc. But nothing can beat the prestige of having a Les Paul.

Nothing.

Keep labelling to Tesco's

2008-12-29T09:22:00.001-08:00

Hello again, ladies and gents.

So, what are you, then? Are you a human? Perhaps you're a monkey. Or a gorilla. Maybe even a maths teacher. So, which are you? I, personally, label myself in public as a gorilla. Humans and monkeys are way too civilised to have me amongst their ranks. I wear jumpers with hoods, I wear jeans, I use the words "Shut up" in every other sentence, and I hate my teachers and most other adults. In most places, I am a gorilla. Here, in England, I am a "chav".

First of all - a "chav"? What? That's kinda stupid. EVERYONE knows chavs don't wear jeans. Er, maybe that isn't the best argument. Let's try again.

You can't class me as a chav, for the simple reason I intend to become a chav-exterminator when I'm older. I will have a Mckenzie-detecting rod which can vapourize most JJB and Sports World products within two point five seconds. Then I'll sweep the ashes of the contaminated clothing into a nuclear-protected dustpan and brush, and dump it into a secured nuclear fission ground to be safe.

Long story short - I'm not a chav and I hate them all. Don't refer to me as a chav. Or an emo. Or a goth. Or a punk. Or a gangster. Or anything. I don't need a label, I'm not a bloody desert from Tesco's or something. I'm a human being - or rather, a gorilla - who isn't requiring a tag above his head to indicate exactly what subspecies of gorilla he is.

Gorrilius Chavarius? I don't think so.

Ok, I lied.

2008-12-22T10:04:00.000-08:00

Yes. I lied. I will now write about hip hop music, so what?

Anyway. I respect that there are a lot of definitions of music according to different people, and I accept it. Perhaps not agree with it, as I loathe country music, but you can at least appreciate that it's just a type of music. It's even easier to understand this if you play a musical instrument. For instance, I play the guitar and widely acknowledge all sorts of music. Metal, Glam Rock, Country, Blues, Indie, hell even classical. And yet, how anybody, even those with no brain, can call Rap, Hip Hop and RnB music simply evades the grasp of my mind.

Honestly. Look at all the genres I listed above, before the terrible three. All of them use real instruments the majority of the time. What you listen to is what somebody else recorded, playing their instrument genuinely. Just them and their tool of music-making, in a recording studio. Whereas the only genuine part of Rap, Hip Hop and RnB is the voice, and very little of that too. When I hear it, pumped out of chav-mobiles or on the radio, the first thing that jumps to my mind is a weedy specimen of a man, wearing two-inch-thick glasses and a spotted maroon-and-lime bow tie, standing in front of a keyboard and pressing two keys in a rhythm. Perhaps, let's say it was just me that thought this. Obviously it is, what with $0.5, Snooping Dog and Rihanna being the most known names in the "music" industry nowadays. But how could it only be me? How could nobody else notice the complete lack of talent in these false, synthetic songs speaking (and Rap really is just speaking) of sex, cocaine and sex?

Please, people of the world. I beg to you.

I'm not asking you to suddenly fall out of love with the crazed new trends of music, but can we please just assassinate these people calling themselves "musicians" so that the golden years of music can return? The days of real songs, songs like "Stairway to Heaven", arists like Bach. When I turn on Radio 1 nowadays it almost forces me to point a rifle at my own prostate and pull the trigger. My pet dog drowned itself in its own urine whilst listening to Kanye West last week. Britney shaved off her hair. Look what it's doing to the world! It's an even bigger killer in America and across Europe than AIDS was in Africa.

If you won't ban the ball-busting, penis-ploughing, testicle-targeting musicians of the 21st century, at least learn to play an instrument. If you follow it through, I guarantee you will see from my point of view.

Harry

Hello

2008-12-22T09:55:00.000-08:00

Hi there.

First things first, welcome to my blog. I'm Harry, and I often find myself thinking about how so much is wrong with the world. This might sound like I work for Greenpeace or some other gung-ho eco-terrorist group, but I'm not referring to all this obvious bollocks. Child soldiers performing drive-by shootings, people eaten by sharks, hip hop music. All that's very bad and all, but everyone knows it, so it would be quite pointless to write articles on why they suck. What I'll normally be writing about is things that ordinary people like you or I notice in everyday life. Issues that dear old Mr. Brown seems to be ignoring as he aids our American comrades in their noble quest to destroy the Middle East.

This is just an introduction, not an article anyway. So don't worry.

Harry