Ok, I lied.

Yes. I lied. I will now write about hip hop music, so what?

Anyway. I respect that there are a lot of definitions of music according to different people, and I accept it. Perhaps not agree with it, as I loathe country music, but you can at least appreciate that it's just a type of music. It's even easier to understand this if you play a musical instrument. For instance, I play the guitar and widely acknowledge all sorts of music. Metal, Glam Rock, Country, Blues, Indie, hell even classical. And yet, how anybody, even those with no brain, can call Rap, Hip Hop and RnB music simply evades the grasp of my mind. 

Honestly. Look at all the genres I listed above, before the terrible three. All of them use real instruments the majority of the time. What you listen to is what somebody else recorded, playing their instrument genuinely. Just them and their tool of music-making, in a recording studio. Whereas the only genuine part of Rap, Hip Hop and RnB is the voice, and very little of that too. When I hear it, pumped out of chav-mobiles or on the radio, the first thing that jumps to my mind is a weedy specimen of a man, wearing two-inch-thick glasses and a spotted maroon-and-lime bow tie, standing in front of a keyboard and pressing two keys in a rhythm. Perhaps, let's say it was just me that thought this. Obviously it is, what with $0.5, Snooping Dog and Rihanna being the most known names in the "music" industry nowadays. But how could it only be me? How could nobody else notice the complete lack of talent in these false, synthetic songs speaking (and Rap really is just speaking) of sex, cocaine and sex?

Please, people of the world. I beg to you.

I'm not asking you to suddenly fall out of love with the crazed new trends of music, but can we please just assassinate these people calling themselves "musicians" so that the golden years of music can return? The days of real songs, songs like "Stairway to Heaven", arists like Bach. When I turn on Radio 1 nowadays it almost forces me to point a rifle at my own prostate and pull the trigger. My pet dog drowned itself in its own urine whilst listening to Kanye West last week. Britney shaved off her hair. Look what it's doing to the world! It's an even bigger killer in America and across Europe than AIDS was in Africa. 

If you won't ban the ball-busting, penis-ploughing, testicle-targeting musicians of the 21st century, at least learn to play an instrument. If you follow it through, I guarantee you will see from my point of view.

Harry